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Updated: 4 hours 17 min ago

"Karezza is basically hygge sex, and it’s the only kind we want to have this winter"

Fri, 2019-02-22 17:39

Winter is coming, which means that we’re about to enter full-on hygge territory. Think: plush socks, candles, and canceled plans whenever possible. Thanks to the Danish term, coziness abounds this time of year, but one thing that’s often excluded from ideal hygge visions is sex. In fact, hygge is just about as sexy as a belly full of macaroni and cheese and long underwear pulled up to your bralette. Well…at least that’s what I assumed until I became acquainted with the karezza method.

Karezza (pronounced kar-RET-za) is, to put it simply, hygge sex. It focuses more on the journey than the destination. It’s when you’re more concerned about the means than the ends…if ya know what I’m saying. The premium here is on cuddling and eye-contact, not on HIIT-worthy moves and a heart rate to match.

It turns out experts regard this kind of sex as positive for relationships. “One of the main things I do in my practice is help couples reframe their thinking about sex away from focusing on the orgasm or the finish,” says sex therapist Amie Harwick, PhD, MFT. Rather, she asks couples to focus on sex as a whole in order to reduce importance of an orgasm.

“If sex were all about orgasm, why wouldn’t we just use a vibrator? It’s because great sex is about connection.” —Lila Darville, sex and intimacy coach

Sex and intimacy coach Lila Darville, a Well+Good Council member, agrees—noting that karezza is totally the hygge-est sex ever. “It is essentially sex without being goal-oriented; sex without an agenda, where the energy between you and your partner dictates what happens.” she says. “If sex were all about orgasm, why wouldn’t we just use a vibrator? It’s because great sex is about connection.”

To foster that connection between partners, karezza calls for focusing on positions that create intimacy (think, spooning and missionary), without the strong emphasis on orgasming. So basically, no jackrabbit-style 30-second trysts. The goal here is to prolong the act and increase closeness.

Beyond the benefit of increased emotional intimacy with your partner (and an expert-backed excuse to have leisurely-bordering-on-lazy sex), karezza may also be a mental-health win. “Having the focus away from orgasm and on connection and pleasure reduces anxiety and depression while increasing pleasure,” Dr. Harwick says, adding that it can can also help cultivate intimacy outside the bedroom, too.

And while it’s common to regard orgasm as the goal in sex, Darville says this mind-set can be so limiting, sexually speaking. Dr. Harwick suggests simply being aware that this shouldn’t be the case as a way to course correct. “The orgasm is not the goal of sex so much as it is something great that can possibly happen,” she says. Start out with gentle touches, and move slowly through intercourse. Focus on the different sensations that pop up for you during sex instead of racing to the finish. “It sounds common sense, but most people don’t think this way,” she says.

And really, what could be cozier than snuggling up with your partner and experiencing a slower, more intimate way of having sex? “Instead of using the tried-and-tested ways of achieving orgasm, karezza brings the focus back to connection,” Darville says. “And from there, a world of possibilities and pleasure opens up.” That sounds like some hygge we can get behind (or beneath or beside).

Original article

Categories: Healthy sexuality

Explaining the concept of karezza

Tue, 2019-01-15 17:59

In this video a man explains karezza to a guy who may be ejaculating too frequently. This might help someone new to the concept understand how karezza can makes sense. Karezza discussion begins around minute 12. If you don't want to watch the video, you can read the article on this same page.

Too much sex? How to maintain relationship harmony and stay pornfree.



Categories: Healthy sexuality

‘Genital/orgasm De-emphasis’ may increase relationship satisfaction

Sat, 2019-01-05 21:32

Research by a grad student at Bowling Green State University attempted to investigate the effects of tantric-sex behavior (in non-tantric practitioners): "Development and Validation of a Tantric Sex Scale: Sexual-Mindfulness, Spiritual Purpose, and Genital/orgasm De-emphasis" (https://etd.ohiolink.edu/pg_10?0::NO:10:P10_ACCESSION_NUM:bgsu154203013060414).

Intriguingly, he discovered that ‘Genital/orgasm De-emphasis’ was associated with increased relationship satisfaction and mindfulness (though not associated with passion). I have full paper.


Although, as previously noted, the hypothesized Physical Techniques subscale of the TSS [Tantric Sex Scale] did not emerge as expected, a distinct Genital/orgasm De-emphasis scale did.

In terms of genital/orgasm De-emphasis, previous researchers have found that focusing less on achieving one’s intense pleasure of orgasm is beneficial for couples’ intimacy (Weiner & Avery-Clark, 2014). Master and Johnson’s (1970) sensate focused therapy begins with one partner caressing another’s body (avoiding the genitals) while the receiver is mindful of the sensations. This technique has been shown to be effective in increasing felt intimacy between the partners. Engaging in sex without attempting to pursue a pleasurable, climatic end has beneficial effects on the relationship. It is at least plausible that the obtained Genital/orgasm De-emphasis subscale taps into the methods of letting go of the desire to seek personal pleasure/orgasm during sex.


Three factors emerged from the factor analysis: sexual mindfulness, spiritual purpose, and genital/orgasm De-emphasis. Sexual mindfulness was predictive of relationship and sexual satisfaction amongst other good relational outcomes. Curiously, spiritual purpose was negatively related to relationship satisfaction but positively with sexual satisfaction. Genital/orgasm De-emphasis was related positively with relationship satisfaction. In total, researchers should continue to test whether different aspects of tantric sex are beneficial for couples in general and as a specific means of intervention in clinical settings.


Tantra is a religious tradition that holds sex as nourishing to the spiritual life. Within popular culture and scholarly works alike, there are reports claiming that tantric sex results in deepening intimacy, increasing sexual passion, and increasing relational and sexual satisfaction. To date, there is a complete absence of empirical research concerning the purported effects of tantric sex. Given the reported benefits associated with tantric sex, there is a basis for empirical inquiry. This study examined tantra empirically by developing, testing, and validating a brief measure of tantric sexual practice. Additionally, this work demonstrates how this measure of tantric sex might predict relevant outcomes such as relationship and sexual satisfaction. An exploratory factor analysis approach was used with a goal of reducing a large item bank (81 items) to a briefer, 25-item scale. Three subscales emerged: Sexual-mindfulness, Spiritual Purpose, and Genital/orgasm Overlook. Further hypothesis testing was conducted using both correlation and regression analyses. Sexual-mindfulness was associated with Relationship and Sexual Satisfaction in correlational and regression analysis. Spiritual Purpose was negatively associated with Relationship Satisfaction in correlational and regression analysis. Genital/orgasm Overlook was positively associated with Relationship Satisfaction in correlational and regression analysis. Implications of the results are discussed exploring possible implications for romantic relationships.

Categories: Healthy sexuality